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A Shadow Appears! (Completed)

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1A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:47 pm

Locke Carmichael

Locke Carmichael
Enrollment Form

A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Beowulf2

Basic info
Name: Locke J. Carmichael
Age: 19
Birthday: 12/13
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 155 lbs
Face Claim: http://www.zerochan.net/1490163 Zerochan

Stats
STR: 4
DEF: 3
RES: 4
SPT: 1
Aura 80|220 HP

Personality
Group: Warriors
Likes:

  • Music
  • Sparring
  • Pizza

Dislikes:

  • Vegetables
  • Frequent Liars
  • Hypocrisy

Fears:

  • Falling
  • Helplessness
  • Self-Ignorance

Overall Personality: Locke often comes off as stand-offish because of his neutral demeanor. He likes to sit and the background and observes the comings and goings of his surrounds.  He is frequently tired but he never seems to be phased by the fact. While more often or not a loner, he finds that, when given an opportunity to help another, he is frequently ecstatic to be of some help (depending on the nature of the help or even possibly amount of labor involved). However timid he may be, Locke is hard-pressed to turn down a chance to duke it out with a classmate or slay some Grimm. If you don't see him fighting someone/something, he is more-than-likely head first into a book. Getting personal information out of him is near impossible to do without being extremely close to him.

Abilities
Aura type: Defense
Aura Color: Green
Semblance: Invisibility: Locke can turn him, and all of the objects on his person, completely invisible. Uses 10 aura per post to stay invisible
Item 1: Weapon: a 30" long sword carried by shealth at the hip.
Item 2: Armor: Gauntlets that protect from physical damage with Prismatic stones built onto the back of both hands.

History and Sample
History:
RP Sample:



Last edited by Locke Carmichael on Sat Apr 04, 2015 4:34 pm; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : revisions part 3)

2A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:08 pm

Oliver Balcross

Oliver Balcross
Heyo. Admin Oli here. And i'm here to grade your app.

Everything checks out except for a couple things:

A. Your semblance. It's kinda godmoddy as it stands. Because you can basically just go: Oh hey you think you hit me? Yeah no. Illusion. I hit you instead. Which is basically free hits. Which is a no.

You could go one of two ways:

make it a utility invisibility semblance. That costs 10 aura to maintain per post. However you still make footsteps and sound, and if you were cut others would see the blood dripping, wind will blow around you... You get the drift.

Or

You could revamp it entirely. But who does that?

B. You should state whether your armour protects against physical damage or dust damage.

C. We would like a name to your face claim. A link doesn't help if we don't know who it is.

3A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Semblance Fix Wed Mar 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Locke Carmichael

Locke Carmichael
I have fixed both B and C, hopefully to your liking.

I understand the problem with my semblance being a little OP, although i personally don't see it that way, and I have thought of a few options that may fix the problem:


  • Reflection (or lack there of): Your suggestion of invisibility with the added ability to change the appearance of a physical object. With this one, my Aura|HP ratio would change to 80|220.
  • Condense: I can absorb light into objects capable of refraction (such as the stones on my gauntlet) and saving that light for later in attacks of bright flashes or cool displays of light shows (cause parties, yay!). this option would have a  Aura|HP ratio of 110|190.
  • Crystalize: Locke has the ability to turn the earth around/below him into crystals that either greatly reflect light like a mirror or refract light to seem see-through. There would be no change to the Aura|HP.


I would like to know the viability of each option.

4A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Wed Mar 25, 2015 9:34 pm

Oliver Balcross

Oliver Balcross
I'm afraid I have to say that most of if not all of your options are still OP.

The STAFF came to a consensus that your Semblances are OP.

So you can either go:

As I said before. Utility Invisibility Semblance that's 10 aura per post to maintain. You still make noise, bleed, ext.

or

Revamp.

5A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty (Hopefully) Final Revision Wed Apr 01, 2015 1:10 pm

Locke Carmichael

Locke Carmichael
All changes made. Any further issues?

6A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Thu Apr 02, 2015 12:33 am

Oliver Balcross

Oliver Balcross
You need to state that your semblance uses 10 aura per post to stay invisible.

7A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Thu Apr 02, 2015 6:11 pm

Locke Carmichael

Locke Carmichael
Verbatum

8A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Fri Apr 03, 2015 4:13 am

Oliver Balcross

Oliver Balcross
Actually before you are approved I need you to change Fighters to Warriors.

9A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Sat Apr 04, 2015 4:34 pm

Locke Carmichael

Locke Carmichael
Done

10A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Sat Apr 04, 2015 5:57 pm

Oliver Balcross

Oliver Balcross
Then I can say you're approved. :D

(Too lazy to use my image so imagine my profile pic but instead of saying Oliver Balcross it says approved on it. You can do that right?)

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