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A Shadow Appears! (Completed)

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1A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:47 pm

Locke Carmichael
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A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Beowulf2

Basic info
Name: Locke J. Carmichael
Age: 19
Birthday: 12/13
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 155 lbs
Face Claim: http://www.zerochan.net/1490163 Zerochan

Stats
STR: 4
DEF: 3
RES: 4
SPT: 1
Aura 80|220 HP

Personality
Group: Warriors
Likes:

  • Music
  • Sparring
  • Pizza

Dislikes:

  • Vegetables
  • Frequent Liars
  • Hypocrisy

Fears:

  • Falling
  • Helplessness
  • Self-Ignorance

Overall Personality: Locke often comes off as stand-offish because of his neutral demeanor. He likes to sit and the background and observes the comings and goings of his surrounds.  He is frequently tired but he never seems to be phased by the fact. While more often or not a loner, he finds that, when given an opportunity to help another, he is frequently ecstatic to be of some help (depending on the nature of the help or even possibly amount of labor involved). However timid he may be, Locke is hard-pressed to turn down a chance to duke it out with a classmate or slay some Grimm. If you don't see him fighting someone/something, he is more-than-likely head first into a book. Getting personal information out of him is near impossible to do without being extremely close to him.

Abilities
Aura type: Defense
Aura Color: Green
Semblance: Invisibility: Locke can turn him, and all of the objects on his person, completely invisible. Uses 10 aura per post to stay invisible
Item 1: Weapon: a 30" long sword carried by shealth at the hip.
Item 2: Armor: Gauntlets that protect from physical damage with Prismatic stones built onto the back of both hands.

History and Sample
History:
Locke originates from a small town called Ecrin, deep within the forest of Mistral. In Ecrin, communication with the outside world was so limited that mail couriers only arrived once a month, and that was if they could make it through the dangerous, grimm-filled forest. Many have tried to integrate Ecrin into the social world but the elders of the village have refused every time because of their belief that the outside world was full of evil magic. Locke was a child born with an unnaturally high ability to use his semblance. He achieved the fact so early that, as an infant, he was capable of completely disappearing. The village thought him to be born of the evil magic from the forest and was shunned for most of his life. It didn’t help that his father was never seen by the village and his mother was seen as an adulterer for giving birth to him.
As he grew older, the village started to resent him and his mother more and more until one faithful day when the Grimm decided to attack the village. Being alienated for his whole life, Locke was never allowed to join the town guard and, therefore, forced to stand down as he watched the Grimm slaughter his people. The chaos and panic in Ecrin was almost too much for Locke to handle. He tried to attack a Beowulf and only managed to cause more fear within the villagers he saved. After the attack was over, Locke was given two options: see him and his mother put before the axe, or leave the village altogether and never return. Taking the latter, Locke wandered the continent of Mistral, living day-by-day until a lone woman found him collapsed on the side of the road. She told him of a place where he can stop running; a place where he can meet people like him and not feel so alone. Locke had found the way out of his personal hell and embarked on his journey to Syne Academy.
RP Sample:
A small boat pulls up to the shore of Syne Academy in the morning fog with only the boats small crew and its singular passenger: Locke Carmichael. The captain turn towards him with a look of deep curiosity; “It’s strange for students of Syne to show up on a non-regulation boat like mine and with such simple weaponry. Tell me boy, what’s your story?” Locke only turned his back to move towards the shore. “Now hold on boy,” shouts the captain Locke stops to see the captain and crew holding swords pointed in his direction. “I know you paid for the trip here, but a pirate, such as me, can’t just let you go without taking more than you’re willing to give.”  Locke could only offer a few words to the men standing before him: “back down, now.” A few moments had passed before the pirates decided to charge him.
With his life on the life, Locke couldn’t help but smirk. Locke draws his sword, still sheathed, and then suddenly disappeared right before their eyes. One-by-one the pirates fell to the blunt of Locke’s sheath. He only reappears as soon as everybody but the Captain lay on the ground, unconscious. Cowering in fear, the captain screams; “WHAT ARE YOU?!” Locke could only say this before striking him down: “I don’t know anymore…”



Last edited by Locke Carmichael on Sat Apr 04, 2015 4:34 pm; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : revisions part 3)

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2A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:08 pm

Oliver Balcross
Heyo. Admin Oli here. And i'm here to grade your app.

Everything checks out except for a couple things:

A. Your semblance. It's kinda godmoddy as it stands. Because you can basically just go: Oh hey you think you hit me? Yeah no. Illusion. I hit you instead. Which is basically free hits. Which is a no.

You could go one of two ways:

make it a utility invisibility semblance. That costs 10 aura to maintain per post. However you still make footsteps and sound, and if you were cut others would see the blood dripping, wind will blow around you... You get the drift.

Or

You could revamp it entirely. But who does that?

B. You should state whether your armour protects against physical damage or dust damage.

C. We would like a name to your face claim. A link doesn't help if we don't know who it is.

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3A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Semblance Fix on Wed Mar 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Locke Carmichael
I have fixed both B and C, hopefully to your liking.

I understand the problem with my semblance being a little OP, although i personally don't see it that way, and I have thought of a few options that may fix the problem:


  • Reflection (or lack there of): Your suggestion of invisibility with the added ability to change the appearance of a physical object. With this one, my Aura|HP ratio would change to 80|220.
  • Condense: I can absorb light into objects capable of refraction (such as the stones on my gauntlet) and saving that light for later in attacks of bright flashes or cool displays of light shows (cause parties, yay!). this option would have a  Aura|HP ratio of 110|190.
  • Crystalize: Locke has the ability to turn the earth around/below him into crystals that either greatly reflect light like a mirror or refract light to seem see-through. There would be no change to the Aura|HP.


I would like to know the viability of each option.

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4A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Wed Mar 25, 2015 9:34 pm

Oliver Balcross
I'm afraid I have to say that most of if not all of your options are still OP.

The STAFF came to a consensus that your Semblances are OP.

So you can either go:

As I said before. Utility Invisibility Semblance that's 10 aura per post to maintain. You still make noise, bleed, ext.

or

Revamp.

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5A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty (Hopefully) Final Revision on Wed Apr 01, 2015 1:10 pm

Locke Carmichael
All changes made. Any further issues?

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6A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Thu Apr 02, 2015 12:33 am

Oliver Balcross
You need to state that your semblance uses 10 aura per post to stay invisible.

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7A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Thu Apr 02, 2015 6:11 pm

Locke Carmichael
Verbatum

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8A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Fri Apr 03, 2015 4:13 am

Oliver Balcross
Actually before you are approved I need you to change Fighters to Warriors.

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9A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Sat Apr 04, 2015 4:34 pm

Locke Carmichael
Done

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10A Shadow Appears! (Completed) Empty Re: A Shadow Appears! (Completed) on Sat Apr 04, 2015 5:57 pm

Oliver Balcross
Then I can say you're approved. :D

(Too lazy to use my image so imagine my profile pic but instead of saying Oliver Balcross it says approved on it. You can do that right?)

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